signposts

I stand at cross-roads
where
every sign on every signpost
points towards me 

Rivers And Us

On the path to selfhood, I find

I flow as a river flows
from a nameless source,

carrying within me fragments, 

residues of countless lifetimes.

That though I hold a form

and a name for it

I cannot ever be known.

So it is for you.

And when you and I,
two mysteries

come together and form this bond

and try to box it in words

it suffocates and dies.

Stinking water in a stagnant pool.

What is between you and me

is as changing, flowing and

indefinable as a river is.

And if only we could see it that way

how ever new and joyous it would be !

The Witness

In the utter stillness,

of his devastated shrine,

untended, unworshipped,

the witness, 

the dancer,

the dance

of life and death,

sits alone.

Finding You

Books speak of you but books

are  dead wood beaten into paper and dry ink

words strive to bind you but words

are  empty cages and you bear no captivity

you live in the beating heart of your world

in  hues of growing grass and leaves
in bird call, in revving of the truck

on my tongue, you taste of  tangy fruit

the stillness of the lizard

basking in the afternoon sun is yours

you leap in the sudden joy of my heart
yet, blinded and deafened that I am
I say I cannot find you

battle

and when the battle was done
they wept
not just from the agony of their wounds
but that the ugliness had risen inside them
black, acrid, blinding
they had cut and thrust
lunged and slashed
their tears came from some well 
hidden deep 
for in wanting to draw blood from another
they had maimed the soft being within
that made them truly human

Armour

I take off my armour, piece by piece.
I shed its cumbrous confinement.
I open myself to the dagger's thrust.
Love waits in the chamber of my heart.
The doorway to it is guarded by pain.

Impressions Of A Study Retreat

We had reached the study retreat centre late in the evening. The only lights were in the few buildings there. The forest was totally dark and we walked on the dirt track using flashlights. It was then we had first seen them, glowing in the dark. Fireflies. As we walked on we saw the track teeming with slugs, centipedes, earthworms. When we reached the centre and took off our shoes, the facilitator warned us that scorpions seek the warmth of shoes and we must check them before we wore them agin. As he said that, we spotted a baby scorpion and a baby snake very close by. We hurriedly moved our shoes higher up on the stairs.It was a strange welcome, slightly unnerving, but then it was the first step to learning of peaceful coexistence. The forest belonged to them and we were the visitors.Our flashlights were for our safety as well as theirs. That we don't step on them.

11-6-2013

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So the next morning after breakfast, we met for our first dialogue session.The facilitator asked us for impressions of our group members. We had met just about 12 hours ago.But I found I had created impressions about almost each one of them Some I had slotted as friendly, some as introverted. And I found that I had looked for cues.Making of eye contact, a smile meant friendliness.A quiet person with downcast eyes meant an introvert. In an unfamiliar environment, surrounded by strangers, my mind had sought to make images based on these observations, based on the database of my past experiences.My mind had sought to protect itself from the pain of rejection. And so I had tried to 'know' these people and had slotted them in these images, before the interaction had even properly begun.Thus began my exploration into the complex world of relationships.
* The next day, a person I had slotted as unfriendly and introverted came up to me and gave me a bunch of wild flowers ! 12-6-2013
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On the second day, as I walked through the forest, I saw this tree entwined with a huge cactus. I stood there and looked at it for a long time and wondered how they lived and grew together. Didn't the cactus thorns hurt the tree, cause pain ? And yet there they were, randomly thrown together by nature's whim, cohabiting, apparently in peaceful harmony. And I thought of us humans having so much strife in our relationships.The key lies in accceptance, I thought. Like the tree has accepted the cactus in its totality, thorns and all. What if we could accept others as they are and not as we want them to be?
* Just got back from an amazing study retreat in an awesome forest. 9-6-2013

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The stray dogs at the forest retreat were different from city dogs, wagging their tails and generally behaving in a friendly and trusting manner but I reacted with my customary, conditioned fear.There was a young man in my group, gentle, kindly in demeanor. And I noticed that during our nature walks, the dogs gravitated towards him. They would walk past him and then return to him. He would sit down on his knees and stroke them with this expression of intense love on his face. I wondered how the dogs knew they would receive love from him and thought of how we are all energy bodies, emitting vibrations of our thoughts and emotions.Watching this young man with the dogs was a moving , deeply spiritual experience for me everytime. 10-6-201311

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Forest. Everything rooted. Everything moving, growing towards the sun. Stillness. And in that stillness, an explosion of life. Randomness. Vines with quietly seeking tendrils. Leaves, grasses, wild flowers of myriad shapes and hues. Music of crickets, bird calls. Butterflies. Beetles, brightly coloured, carrying ten times their weight. Termite hills. Carpets of dead brown leaves. Dying branches, living ones. A place for everything. Everything just is.The forest whispers its secrets of life, its stories of harmony. If one hears, one is healed.One is whole.

* At the study retreat, we explored our relationship with nature by going for early morning nature walks. I had never thought of myself as a nature person, having been more interested in innerscapes than landscapes. Forests were for me, decidedly uncomfortable, dangerous places. I saw different and understood why seekers seek the solitude of forests. 14-6-2013
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On the last day of the study retreat, before we set off on our nature walk, we were asked to observe how our minds tend to label and define things as soon as we see them.This is a banyan tree.That is a deer. Oh, I have seen this flower before. This bird looks like the one I had seen in Ooty. The mind seeks security in knowing. And in this process of describing, we cannot see the object for what it is. For a word is just a word and not the object. The object is an unknowable mystery.So the mind prevents us from really being available to that object. I found myself continuously describing things till finally, I thought of myself as a two year old child who knew no names and was just being there. It was then, I could feel the stillness, the peace that lies beyond the incessant chattering of the mind. 16-6-2013
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meal times were special at the study retreat. Some eminent scholars of philosophy resided on the campus. They joined us at meal times and the conversations were scintillating. I loved meal time! We had Quiet Time once for about 14 hours. During this time we were asked to observe ourselves, how we sat, moved, ate. It was about being mindful and observant of oneself. So the mealtimes were silent during this time. But somehow it was relaxing not to talk. And in that silence, the mind revealed itself. I found myself constantly stating preferences. I like the rustling of wind in trees. I like the butterflies. I do not like the vegetable dish. Also I found myself building stories around incidents, imagining how I will speak about them when i went back. The simple fact of a group member presenting me with a bouquet of wild flowers became a story in my mind. I found that when I became aware of the preference making, story making process, it stopped. The mind became silent. 17-7-2013

light and shadows

bright lights of my city stand gaurd
never really permitting
day's end to settle in its quietitude
yet, I stand,
in a secluded corner of my terrace
watching rain clouds
greyish white and salmon pink
race across the deep indigo sky
the  moon hides for a moment
there it is back again
something within me rises
and snatches my breath away
I raise my face and  all my being
strives to grasp and hold
the play of light and shadows
the majestic spectacle of constant change
against the still vastness of sky