Tattered Dream

my tattered dream
like grasping cobweb
clings to lashes
stings my eyes

187

Night and Day

for few fleeting moments
they meet
in dying sunshine
falling shadow
for like night and day
they are destined
to be forever together
forever apart

186

Seeta

at the edge of the forest, she stands

where Lakshman's chariot has just left her,

her eyes speaking of  pain 

of a woman betrayed,

she, the one born of earth

beloved princess of Janak's kingdom

married to that epitome of virtue,

the Maryada Purushottam,

the king who could do no wrong,

she the one, who had loved him enough

to trade her palace for a jungle hut,

who had not forgotten him for a moment

in the captivity of the demon, Ravan,

I see her as she stands there

in her desolate destitution,

stripped of all but the life

she carries in her womb,

heirs to the man who abandoned her

for the sin of another man's lust,

I know then, no matter 

how many centuries have gone by

every woman born on the soil of this country

is cursed to carry

 the agony of this unhealed wound

 in her heart, forever

185

Birth Of My Poem

Birth Of A Poem
================

when words gather
like heavy rain clouds
and in the regions of my heart
I feel
fluttering wings of a restless flock
caught in the hunter's net
I know it is time
for my poem to be born

***
when clouds let go
and falling waters
meet the waiting patch of thirst,
ever so gently, the soil frees
fragrance of her satiation,
when in flurry of flight
a flock of pigeons
leaves the silence quivering
birthing of my poem
feels somewhat like this

184

incognito

unclaimed by my voice
abandoned by my lips
your name wanders incognito
in the silence of my blood 

183

Your Name

shunned by my lips

unclaimed by my voice

your name lives on
in the salt of my tears
in the warmth of my breath

in the silence of my blood

182

Be With Me

be with me

for I can no longer bear

false bartering of bright conversations

be with me

for only you can hear
words woven in my silence

181

Silence

she crumbles to dust
strong walls of words
and sweeps with firm hands
the debris of demolition
shorn of cleverness
stripped of subterfuge
I tremble in new born nakedness
as silence builds
her home in my heart

180

Draupadi

she comes to me
across the dust of many millenia
the woman born from the holy fire
of Drupad's yagnakunda
she, the dark hued one
beloved sister of Krishna,
precious wife of five
of the mightiest men in the land
she stands there, her hair loose, wet
stained crimson with the blood
of her oppressor, Dushashana,
she looks at me and I cannot bear
the burning agony of her gaze
I cannot bear the heat that seared
every pore of her desecrated body for years
no, she had not forgotten
she had not let anyone else forget,
the blaze of her insulted womanhood
had burnt to ashes numberless men
and had darkened the battlefield
of Kurukshetra with blood

~ Rwits
Remembering Jyoti Singh Pandey(Nirbhaya)

179

My Words

I sometimes wish
all the words I write for you
arising from my heart
would become a flock of birds
winging across the skies 
they would find your home
and with a great fluttering
alight on the rooftop
on the doorsteps
on the windowsills
and fill every corner of your home
with my songs

178

Silence

when the red sun of silence 
rose in the darkness of my heart
I became an empty house
doors thrown open
windows unshuttered
for the winds to play in
for the light to shine through
in the restless clamor of the world
a sanctuary of peace

177

He Just Was

I had seen him by the temple wall
the saffron robed man
for hours he sat, with open eyes
looking at everything, seeing nothing
saying nothing, doing nothing
in the stillness of his existence
in the silence of his being
like the tree, the rock
and the flowing river
he just was

176

Your Name

I left your name
on the desolate mountain top
I threw it to the wind
travelling to distant lands
I dropped it in the river
winding to the sea
I watched the fire
scorching it to ash
I tried so many ways
and yet I find
your name wandering in my heart
sobbing out my name

175

Only When

only when
I let go 
could I raise my empty hands
to the sky
and dance

only then
my tears, losing salt
tasted sweet
on my parched lips

only then
love broke all barriers
and my solitude
sang your name in joy

174

Heavenwards

love of the open cage
love of the broken chain
love of the hands that hold
no begging bowl

love of the welling eyes
love of the burgeoning heart
love of the flame that rises
heavenwards

173

Loss

she weeps for her loss
her falling tears
tell her the story
of water's journey
from earth to heaven
and back as rain
over and over 
again and again
and not a single drop
ever lost

172

Harbour

Harbour
======

Anchors lifted, ropes untied
ships set sail
to their destinies.
In the harbour's depths,
does a storm rage
unseen in the quiet
letting go?

*******************************
some ships set sail
some return wearied
from distant travels
on uncertain seas
the harbour rests
with open arms

171

Imprisonment

so terrified of losing you
I clutched at nothing
grasped emptiness, 
my love became iron bars
and then they whispered in my ear
the secret of prison walls
that when I try to bind you
no one is fettered but me
that when I open locks
and let you go
I shall set myself free

170

nonetheless

fiery sun
wintry moon
pouring rain
pleasure or pain
the Sufi dances
nonetheless

169

dervish

only when
my hands were emptied
and my heart was laid bare
of all the clutter
of pleasure and pain
did I see him
at the still calm centre
the ancient dervish
whirling in ecstasy

163

web

I drool and drool 
a silken spool,
so foolishly caught
in the web of my thought
I cannot but envy
the clever spider! 

162

wind

she wept when she saw
them wilting
leaves she had thought 
were evergreen,
she wept when she found
it crumbling
love she had thought
would never die,
then she opened her fists and gave
them up to the passing wind
and the wind
in its roving restlessness
soon dried her flowing tears

161

Rain

when the first drop fell
home was still many steps away
so I slowed down
my quickening feet
feeling the wetness 
soak through to my skin
holding my face
up to the sky
I made love
to the falling rain

160

half eaten moon

in the still night sky
half eaten moon,
with timeless patience
and boundless love,
watches over
as I
on my path to fullness,
make peace with shadows

159

Elements

you gifted me

fire, water, earth,

air and the sky

slow burning embers,

razing of walls

is yours

deep pools filled, 

flowing over of eyes

is yours

fertile tenderness,

birthing of  shoots

is yours

flower scented winds,

lure of abandon

is yours

moonshine, starlight

opening wide of heart

is yours

you gifted me

fire, water, earth,

air and the sky

158

Rainbow 2

their meetings make waves
typhoons, cyclones,hurricanes
birth in the force of their passion
and when he holds her up
in his arms in the sky
they crack up the sunlight 
and beget glorious rainbows
Oh, the tumultous love affair
between water and air! 

157

fire

'The fire that is inherently present in the very nature of the wood itself' 

Whatever kind or shape of wood you have, fire will consume it."

Rainbow

light 
cracked 
splintered
scattered across the sky
ethereal spectrum of love
between water and air !

158

Time

eternally old
forever young
point of stillness
I am
in torrent of time

157

bareness

the tree in its nakedness
calls out 
as I walk past
with eyes that see 
yet do not see
feeling something akin to fear
I reach out
fingertips touching scars 
where shoots had broken out
in their greenness
flowers had come
with their promised fruits
bareness holding marks
of love's burden borne
with growing hope, I embrace
with ear pressed close, I try to hear
the rising of sap
pulled by roots running deep
and all I can hear
is the rushing of my blood

156

letting go and holding on

when yellowed leaves fall
trees love to speak
of letting go
if they find a listener
they'll tell sad tales 
of open hands 
fingers spread wide
of losing love and
hardships of winter to come
don't be fooled by their talk
good storytellers they are
for deep underneath
they know well how to hold
the earth in their grasp
silent roots spread far and wide
enmeshing, entwining
and the whole forest
is one

155

Aloneness

Pushed for long
into obscure corners
it comes seeping darkly
from under locked doors.
In ever louder whines
it calls my name
while I fill my ears
with din of the world.
O utter aloneness,
blessed silence
when will I learn
to call you my own?

154

Intoxication

when you my love, sit by my side
what need do I have of a tavern?

when in the soil of my heart, a vineyard grows
what need do I have of a tavern?

when my limbs are heavy, with fruit laden vines
what need do I have of a tavern?

when grapes crushed by your touch, yield sweet red wine
what need do I have of a tavern?

when you my love, flow in my veins
'Rwits' what need do I have of a tavern ?

153

Written as an exercise for Caferati. We had to write a ghazal in English on the theme of 'intoxication.'

Discovery

stripped naked of the world
bones chilled in desolation
she discovered fire
and found
that she could write
the story of life
from the beginning 
again

152

Paradox

I have a home. I have no home.

My home is everywhere. My home is nowhere.
I am my home.

I have a teacher. I have no teacher.
Everyone is my teacher. No one is my teacher.
I am my own teacher.

I was born. I was never born.
I will die. I will never die.
I am transient. I am eternal.

I am the bubble. I am the drop. I am the wave. I am the sea.

I love you. I love no one but myself.

Everything is real. Nothing is real.

Everything I cannot see and touch is real.
Everything I can see and touch is false.

The path is everywhere. The path is nowhere.

Everything is the truth. Nothing is the truth.
I am  untruth. I am truth.

I am now in the world of paradox. Confusing , frightening, exciting, exhilarating. And liberating too! :)

Holding

you hold me
in your warm sure hands

like harbours hold
ships home from sea

I hold you 
encircled in my arms

like farmers hold
fruits of labour
in seasons of harvest

we hold each other

like vases hold
sheaves of flowers
in gifted enchantment

151

Emptiness

Emptiness I am
hiding fullness within
through tunnel of time
I come and go
clothing and then 
unclothing myself
in eternal charade 
of make and break
laughing weeping
in sorrow and joy
I play my parts
I witness them too

150

Homeless!

I am in the game
I am out of it
I neither play
nor stand apart
four walls around 
and a roof above
yet I rejoice
in homelessness!

149

The Gift

I shut the door on love
I turned her away
told her in no uncertain terms
all her bewitching promises
of dripping honeycombs
fruit scented wines
and rain soaked deserts
were nothing but lies
when all she had to give
was a wound oozing crimson
burning salt of tears
and unending parchedness

I shut the door on love
and my poem died
sweet companion of my soul
it was then I found
she had been birthed
from that very wound`
she had thrived on tears
that had risen from
my deepest thirst
I knew then what
was the precious gift
love had given me
wrapped in torment

148

Worshipping Herself

fasting feasting

laughing singing

the young, the old

in sickness, in health

so many chronicles 

of pain and joy

throng to where she stands

celebrating herself

in her wondrous multiplicity

147

Meeting

in darkness, they meet
when the world is asleep
under the hushed glow
of the wakeful moon

white flowers of the night
overjoyed by their sight
wrap around them, the scent
which maddens lovers

146

True Worship

his dream I am,

I am the love that throbs

in the measureless heart

of the lord of lords

and so I  know 

that the only worship

he asks of me
is the shedding of fear

is the holding in high honour

the sacred uniqueness of my being,
is the living of each moment
in joyous festivity

145

ecstasy

love's agony

hardness cracks

a river flows from me to you

singing in ecstasy

143

Words

words

vessels of ungainly make

stained with earthly give and take

how do I trust them 

with my luminous truths ?

Worship

lamps will be lit, incense burnt
drummers will beat the intoxicating beat
a thousand lotuses will be opened
at the feet of the goddess
in the sanctum of my heart
she lives, breathes, exults in me
this year, the worship will be within
in tumultous celebration 

of my being

141

Hallowed Ground

in the hallowed ground of my heart

where the gently flowing river bends

where the soil is wet and soft with tears

lie the imprints of your feet

hidden from the watchful moon
wind weeps quietly in the groves

morning finds them annointed

with fallen flowers of the night

140

Search

where do I seek you

when longing sears?

do I look for your footprints

on snow covered slopes

and find my way up

to the silence of the frozen peak

where you sit immersed

in solitary aloneness?

do I search 

amidst flaming pyres of  burning ghats

where in the stench of charred flesh

accompanied by the reverberating beat
of your drum

you play your make believe game

of birth and death?

or do I  find

a lonely corner of my home

and explore hidden pathways

to my heart 

in hope, that one day

you will take mercy 

and come to me?

139

Dream

wistful desire, I am

in the creator's heart

his ephemeral dream

drifting lightly 

on gossamer wings

glinting in sunlight

here today

gone tomorrow

flitting between

his sleep and wakefulness

all sorrrows imagined

all worries futile

138

Celebration

my tears will find yours
and when they flow together
salty oceans will turn
sweet in their depths

my wounds will touch yours
and when they heal together
crimson roses will bloom
in celebration of love

137

His Body

 I sometimes think

 hills, valleys, rivers
oceans and plains

of this mortal earth

are nothing but

undulating expanses

of his ash-whitened body

so lovingly embraced 

by most venomous of snakes

he, whose tangled locks

hold with utmost ease

a mighty river and the moon

and with a flick of whose finger

galaxies die

an ant is born

136

New Bride

Harvest moon,
slipped from heavens,
shines in your eyes,
smiles on your lips.
Your hands, white flowers
so soft to touch,
uncalloused by life.
Budding hope, you are
swathed in colours of spring.
O new bride,
so long ago
I was like you !

135

My Boat

my arms aching,

I threw oars away

and now my boat

rocks, swings, whirls

and waltzes with the waves

I rejoice!

134